Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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