how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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