Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
