he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
