I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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