I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
