no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
