I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
