the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
