I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
