let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
