my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
