I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
whose parrot is this?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
