420 ftw
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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