I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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