What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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