Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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