She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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