We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
