I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
