my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
