I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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