I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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