maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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