FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
