3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
