If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
