apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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