I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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