apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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