can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
