Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
