yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
