Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
