"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."