Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
