And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.