So drunk its hurt
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.