so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
