Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.