Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..

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  (215): I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere.. http://tfl.nu/8h2a
  Replies (13) Good night (727) Bad night (1433)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars

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  (678): I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars http://tfl.nu/m106
  Replies (23) Good night (4475) Bad night (558)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.

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  (484): i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/ovq6
  Replies (55) Good night (919) Bad night (4482)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10637) Bad night (927)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.

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  (519): I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that. http://tfl.nu/jia8
  Replies (110) Good night (14754) Bad night (986)
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  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

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  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (55) Good night (2234) Bad night (6519)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.

  (555): View more from

  Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.

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  (555): She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome. (555): Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there. http://tfl.nu/h5mq
  Replies (13) Good night (3411) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

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  (239): they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out http://tfl.nu/ncls
  Replies (2) Good night (3671) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge

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  (514): maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge http://tfl.nu/8cfm
  Replies (15) Good night (3936) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl

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  (918): He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl http://tfl.nu/2qwr
  Replies (3) Good night (1539) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Am I going to be on condom boxes?

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  (803): You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time. (1-803): Am I going to be on condom boxes? http://tfl.nu/pwx5
  Replies (3) Good night (2272) Bad night (438)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.

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  (303): Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place. http://tfl.nu/duki
  Replies (8) Good night (379) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?

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  (616): I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night? http://tfl.nu/mkh7
  Replies (2) Good night (308) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.

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  (716): Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories. http://tfl.nu/jhay
  Replies (2) Good night (553) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday

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  (603): See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday http://tfl.nu/izo0
  Replies (3) Good night (301) Bad night (282)

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