Texts From Last Night

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  (520): View more from Arizona

  But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

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  (520): But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions. http://tfl.nu/p23c
  Replies (35) Good night (5827) Bad night (710)
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  (858): View more from California

  i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him

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  (858): i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him http://tfl.nu/fwf2
  Replies (5) Good night (3217) Bad night (521)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it

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  (863): sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it http://tfl.nu/fu71
  Replies (43) Good night (4574) Bad night (797)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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  (313): theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen. http://tfl.nu/by0t
  Replies (16) Good night (1742) Bad night (3387)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

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  (610): I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/4je5
  Replies (9) Good night (5142) Bad night (973)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

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  (425): If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower. http://tfl.nu/0936
  Replies (11) Good night (3535) Bad night (1625)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?

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  (806): When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7? http://tfl.nu/xrb5
  Replies (9) Good night (2499) Bad night (1081)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.

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  (636): Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape. http://tfl.nu/3ikt
  Replies (3) Good night (1878) Bad night (957)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?

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  (304): I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this? http://tfl.nu/dpdb
  Replies (31) Good night (1078) Bad night (1724)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.

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  (334): seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before. http://tfl.nu/yzzl
  Replies (7) Good night (1184) Bad night (992)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.

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  (207): I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom. http://tfl.nu/g4e2
  Replies (6) Good night (891) Bad night (538)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.

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  (519): I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity. http://tfl.nu/v0to
  Replies (13) Good night (996) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......

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  (313): She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut....... http://tfl.nu/dh75
  Replies (6) Good night (752) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox

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  (781): You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox http://tfl.nu/8bo8
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (224)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.

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  (336): he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded. http://tfl.nu/l70w
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (245)

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