She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
