He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
