i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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