so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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