I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
