She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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