I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
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Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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