Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
