Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
