Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
