I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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