I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
