Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
