I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
