I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
