did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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