...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
