My Higher Power is John Stamos
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
