the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
