If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
