I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
