Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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