I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
