I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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