girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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