Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
