Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
