can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
