today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
