Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize