I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
