His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
