FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
im on a boat
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