You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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