I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
