singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
