i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
