Nicole vs. Life
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
