I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
