I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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