I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
