i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
