please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
