I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
