your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
