All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
