I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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